to my imaginary friend

so… kinda dreamy layout… but an imaginary friend it’s not real. he comes from my mind and he’s not real. [happy i know this at least... ]. so the layout it’s explainable considering the fact and the content of this blog.
so… what can i say about him, as an introduction? umm… he has no name. i think it’s a “he” and not a “she”. i was never too close to girls, so i don’t think my imaginary friend could ever be a girl.
it’s nice to have him around in my mind, but it’s kinda’ hard cause he can’t give me good advices. all the possibilities but never the right one. we usually speak before i go to sleep, when i have time and peace of mind. i tell him what happened, what i wish it would have happened, why i feel bad, or why i feel happy. sometimes i close my eyes and we are out for a coffee, speaking, not feeling guilty about what i think or say. i laugh. or i cry. nobody is judging, nobody is looking, nobody is pointing at me it’s sticky ugly finger.
sometimes i think he gets angry and i feel guilty. but i always feel guilty so it’s not a great big deal. he’s my friend and friends, real imaginary friends, can always forgive you. it doesn’t matter what you do. they don’t get hurt. they are not like real people: hurting, moaning, screaming, crying, running away from you, blaming you… you… you… “it’s all YOUR fault” it’s always my fault. so can anybody love me and forgive me unconditioned? even dough i don’t deserve this? can anybody hug me and kiss me without asking for anything in return? without asking me to be somebody else? without… without… “without YOU i can’t live” “without YOU i can’t breathe” “without YOU i get lost” SHHH… we don’t speak the words. we don’t speak. only when i get to sleep.
why did i start writing this? WHY do i write this?

that’s it about my imaginary friend. he’s imaginary because he could never be real. why do people have to be so complicated?

“Cheers Darlin”

Damien Rice

Cheers darlin’
Here’s to you and your lover boy
Cheers darlin’
I got years to wait around for you
Cheers darlin’
I’ve got your wedding bells in my ear
Cheers darlin’
You give me three cigarettes to smoke my tears away

And I die when you mention his name
And I lied, I should have kissed you
When we were running the reins

What am I darlin’?
A whisper in your ear?
A piece of your cake?
What am I, darlin?
The boy you can fear?
Or your biggest mistake?

Cheers darlin’
Here’s to you and your lover man
Cheers darlin’
I just hang around and eat from a can
Cheers darlin’
I got a ribbon of green on my guitar
Cheers darlin’
I got a beauty queen
To sit not very far from me

I die when he comes around
To take you home
I’m too shy
I should have kissed you when we were alone

What am I darlin’?
A whisper in your ear?
A piece of your cake?
What am I, darlin?
The boy you can fear?
Or your biggest mistake?

Oh what am I? What am I darlin’?
I got years to wait…